Legendary...

Lonely Invasions

Tue, 20 May 2008 22:00:43 GMT

Embarassing to have to admit that I am suffering. Can it be true the details are rare gems? I have put it all inside of me, trying to forget the madness. For everyone has gone away and left me with this constant invasion of lonliness. They've planned their futures far from knowing they've cast me aside. I feel like an outcast, something I used to feel like all the time, until they came into my lives showing me its okay to let them in. But now its like, their pulling apart from me and Im starting to feel shaded. Sick of this lonely heartache pounding keeping me up at night, not letting me eat right, writing songs of suicide, thoughts of cutting wrists tonight. I didnt follow through even though ive wanted to. Lonely invasions.. not so warm and fuzzy a feeling. =/

Liars and Promisebreakers, Stealing hearts, and Breathtakers

Fri, 09 May 2008 15:37:29 GMT

Ah, yes. There is a symptom that I have, and it runs deep. This symptom is black as sin and pesticides my heart, until it grows weaker and weaker, until i am nothing but a shattered shell living lifelessly on somehow holding to the memories for comfort. She is my first love. And she has hurt me so many times. We have been through so much together, but at the end of the day Im usually the one who is either living in paranoia, or living in bloody heart central with bloody wrists and no one who understands. She is like a sickness you cant get rid of. She goes away for a while, but somehow, even after everything she has done to you, you cant help but want her back. I am still not immune to her. Is it my fault that I love her still? How can I still love someone after all this time, even though she has painted my world in darkness before? There is no easy way to say it. Im trapped. I mean, the door is wide open. Full of opportunities to run from it, but i stay. In fact, i lock myself in, and settle into the corner. No escape through my window tonight. Even if I were to walk through the open door I doubt I would stay away for long. I would probably try to sneak back through the window before she realized I was gone. Im probably losing you by now, that was a pretty tricky analogy. Her name is Jamie. For those of you that Do know her. You know that its pretty big thing for me to come out and say. Even now. She has always been a part of me. She is my vulnerability. I am my own worst enemy. I always say that I cant love her, because she will do me wrong again, but then i go behind my own back and start falling back in love with her. Its like a vicious cycle that i cant run from.

I also have a very vivid, wild imagination. My dreams have a certain intuitive that either reminds me of things that have happend, or tells me things that will happen. Its always graphic, and its always a shocker, and its always right. So like the roll I took part of in last nights charmed scene as Phoebe, which went well by the way, I can sort of see into the future. Everybody thinks that when I say that Im nuts, or it was just a coincidence. But it has happened numerous times. Like this one time, I like this kid named Luis alot. But I had a dream that him and this girl who was my friend named Olivia hooked up, and it was at her house and she threw him out afterwards, or something like it, it was a while ago.. getting bad memory. Lol. Anyway, turns out, It was spot on. Olivia told me about it within the next few days. It took me a while to comprehend that my dream came true, that i could actually predict the future.

Anyway, I had this dream a few weeks ago. It was sometime before Queer Prom night, that much i remember. It was where Jamie came over my house and Was crying and just a wreck talking about how her girlfriend broke up with her. This I thought was just a subconscious wanting, but now i see that it was yet again a heads up on what the future holds. Pretty freaky, I know, but its real. The thing is, I feel so horrible about what it did to her. She has been getting back into the habit of using drugs and alcohal to escape herself. Last time I remember doing that is when me and her were together. I was the one person who actually got through to her last time that actually said my shit to her. Drinking is bad! Smoking is bad! You can die! You're going to ruin yourself! I hate that shes going back into it. And I really need to see her, and try my best to help her, i feel like its my duty. Even though we're not close like we used to be, she is still very important to me, and I care about her so much. I cant help but throw myself in front of the train for her. I want to see her happy again, even if it means getting hit with the side effects. She needs an intervention. And when she gets back from her fieldtrip, believe me, she is going to get one.

Hollywood?

Mon, 05 May 2008 00:23:48 GMT

I have been tagged with an offer to california hollywood to finish my schooling in hollywood california music program. It was weird. Like, Me and my sister Kristi were sitting there playing nintendo (Beavis And Butthead) and i was slapping around Beavis.. Even though I'm usually the one that plays Beavis, not Butthead, and We kept on dying. That game is so hard! My brother was in town. Then the phone rang and he answered it. "Its for you punk." Like he normally says. Im thinking its this girl Ann that I talk to alot. She lives in Port Angeles, Washington, and shes my secret lover. Lol. Turns out it was Not her. And Im starting to freak out because I dont know who the fuck it is! Lol. Her name was Evette. And she was a college advisor. She started talking to me about what my major was and all the different programs that were available for me and whatnot. I started to get really excited, Especially when she mentioned the word HOLLYWOOD. I was in a daze for a minute, and she was like:" Would you consider moving out to Hollywood, California if you were accepted into a music program down there?" And I was just in awe, and shock, and amazement.. I dont know why I just never thought about moving to Hollywood before. Florida? yes, But California is completely different. And I didnt know what to say. I think I told her my email address and that if there was a way that I could do it, I probably would. And that is my E true Hollywood Story. Lol!

Nintendo Games

Sun, 04 May 2008 01:31:02 GMT

I am so bored. So bored that me and my sister Kristi have pulled out the old nintendo games and just sat there playing them all day. OMG. Fucking Awesome. We used to play those things all the fucking time. But we havent played them in forever. Haha. The games we played today were of course.. mario Bros., some disney one with mickey and minnie, and fucking Beavis and Butthead. <3 I remember we used to play Aladdin, and Battletoads, and fucking some shit there.. what the fuck was it.... DARKWING DUCK. AMAZING<333 Okay. We mustve done nothing all day but play those fucking nintendo games. I really miss those things. Nintendo was the shitmonkey. FOR REAL. Lol. Capcom games poon.

Ages and Orientations

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 18:09:16 GMT

Okay. So Im Not sure if I really remember telling you my age or anything about myself thats kind of important to me. First of all Im 19. NOW anyways. Lol. I still feel like Im 17. ITs CRAZY. When people ask my age I kind of stare blankly at them. I Know my age, but when I go to say it, it just doesnt feel right. ~~Nineteen~~. I say it once. And the word slowly drifts from my lips into the wind as if I hadnt said it at all. I dont really get the tease, but it kills me everytime. 19 years, and 17 years. I feel the same. NOTHING has changed. Im still me, but everything is different. Somehow I have grown. But in what ways? I just dont know. .. Not Really. Anyway. Im a bisexual. Not to be stereotyped into being a girl who needs to have sex all the time with anyone, and everyone, all at once. NO. A common misconception. I am just a regular girl like any other. Some girls fall in love with boys. Some girls fall in love with girls. What is so weird about falling in love with a girl? Absolutely Nothing. I just want to be loved. And not just anyone will do. Its nothing like that at all. I want love. It may be a Boy, or a Girl. But only one can be. Just because you like both sexes, doesnt mean you are a whore. Lol. Trust me, that is definetly not the case. When someone refers to me as a slut, I just laugh in their face. Because I know Im not. Believe me if you knew anything about me, you'd know I wasn't.

First Post

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 03:09:03 GMT

Im Not a Legend.
If I were Legendary tons more would know this name.
Fame. Its a request I have made many a time.
Its not the Popularity I crave, Its the taste of being noticed
everywhere. Or recognized really. For once Id like to go
somewhere where I dont have to explain who I am,
what I am doing, why. I want everyone to know this name is..
mysteriously enough are the days I used to carve my name
into the heads of anyone who would listen. But I think I might
eventually tire of telling everyone.

Its time you all knew. Never Forget. Shall I need to repeat?
Its Sara. Dont wear out the taste. For it becomes bitter and
salty. Release the hold of tongue, and let go. Let us ALL become
Legends. For I am, The Legendary.